Posted by: goodmorningmystic | November 9, 2012

Vocatus Atque Non Vocatus Deus Aderit

This past year I’ve become increasingly interested in the feminine experience of God.  At first I thought it was a bit strange that I would be drawn – again – to this subject.  Hadn’t I exhausted the “when God was a woman” phase thirty years ago when I was in college?  

I’ve been writing a fantasy novel about a priestess of a fictional religion in a world where the Goddess reigns.  In this story she must destroy the Temple she loves in order to reestablish the Rule of Truth and save the Empire from its enemies.

Now, I keep asking myself why I am driven – yes, driven – to write this story.  Why does a middle-aged Roman Catholic woman who holds a Masters Degree in Theology write this kind of stuff?  Sometimes I feel silly.  I should be writing something academic, something serious, but I can’t help myself.  I can’t NOT write this story. 

What on earth is wrong with me?    

It took me awhile to realize what was going on.  I’d forgotten that God is the initiator of the experience of God; not man, not woman.  God.  My drive to explore the feminine side of God is propelled by God, not me.  It’s a gift – from God.  I’m reminded that God is constantly knocking at your door, my door, lots of doors.  Even someone like me who prays everyday and professes to be a spiritual person can be deaf to the call.   And like writing a book, the most difficult and fundamental task is the most simple.  To write a book you need to apply your seat to the chair and write.  And when God knocks on your door, you answer.

It’s humbling experience to realize that my study of these issues, of the feminine God, is my “response” to a summons.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that what I’m writing is divine or anything like that.  Rather, I should be a bit more respectful.  I should trust myself, take this desire to write, to explore, to investigate the experience of God as a woman more seriously. 

 Vocatus Atque Non Vocatus Deus Aderit – “Bidden or not bidden; God is present”

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